i know what to do!
At the end of the day I dropped by my
friend's house, over there in Alvide.
We were sober because there was no money
for booze or weed, so we floated tiny
bubbles of silence and insulted each
other's mothers with the apathetic
Idle Tuesday Glee.
Then he said
"I don't know what to do, man...
I got no money to pay the rent and
I can't get a job and my bike is
in the shop and I have no money
to fix it."
"Hmm", I said
"And it's not like I can go back to
my parents' house, I mean, when we
moved to a new house I asked where
my room was, she said 'outside' and
I said 'outside where?' and she said
'outside, where the sheep run free
and the wolves are never hungry!'"
"Shit, I even used to have rats here,
Saw them yesterday with little backpacks,
going away, talking to each other, saying
'next house will have some food, I promess',
"I'm twenty five years old and I can't
even support a family of mice!"
I took a drag of my cigarette and my
eyebrows said fuckin' hell.
Then I went home, dreaming of the red
armchair, the fur of the cat, the bite
of the wine, but a friend showed up
instead, to drink coffee, bitch and moan
"I hate my job, João..."
"Maybe your job hates you too."
"I can't stand it anymore! Five years,
I studied! Now I buy cigarettes and make
coffee and massage the feet of the high
and mighty doctors. Sometimes when they
need a book they can't reach, they use me
as a ladder, but only after they go outside to
step on dog shit.
They spit on my forehead, polish it and
use it as a mirror to floss their teeth."
"Quit." I said
but she went "Can't, need the money"
"How much they pay you?" I asked.
"Five hundred euros. Before taxes."
"After taxes", she said "I get twenty cents,
and of those, I have to give
fifteen to my parents, you know,
I felt like throwing myself in front of a
moving bus, but instead I just said
"I don't know what to do, João!"
And I had no answers for her.
Not for her, and not for him.
But when I was left alone, with
a dart in my hand and no target
on the white walls around,
sitting on my red armchair
the sky outside
in time lapse
fur of the cat
bite of the wine
"I know what to do."
So I turned on the TV
and waited for tomorrow.